


fashion (i am anyone you want me to be)

by aglowSycophant



Category: Dungeon Moment Expanded Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatlogs, M/M, its 5am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aglowSycophant/pseuds/aglowSycophant
Relationships: Hourai Gakhushari/Adkas Mortas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	fashion (i am anyone you want me to be)

Hourai has never been lucky in love. Dare he say it, he is unlucky in love. Lucky in hate? Semantics.

What matters is that, despite everything, Hourai cannot find a date, and it’s starting to wear thin on his self-esteem. He’s  _ tried _ everything – Tinder, Bumble, Grindr for about an hour – and he hasn’t received a lot of success.

So, while he was a bit surprised when Firgo said he could set him up with someone, he wasn’t really disappointed when it went poorly.

Hourai took them to a coffee shop, and things went... Bad. And that was fine, if not a bit humiliating.

What he  _ wasn’t _ expecting was for them to keep texting him about it.

**Adkas:** u know maybe if u actually had a fuckn social circle that wasnt there out of pity our date wouldve gone a lil better :/

Hourai sighs and rolls his eyes, dog-earing the page of his book as he moves to respond.

**Hourai:** You realize how hypocritical that sounds coming from you, right?

**Hourai:** You’re so aggressive.

**Hourai:** And I don’t think social circle refers to “people whose dicks I suck”, either.

**Adkas:** rly? u think im aggressive

**Adkas:** firgo rly hyped u up u know that?

**Adkas:** rly disappointing

**Adkas:** ur like the left-handed handjob of the person world

**Hourai:** Aren’t you left-handed?

**Adkas:** irrelevant.

**Adkas:** hell ur still a virgin arent u

**Adkas:** lmfao

Hourai doesn’t even bother responding. He sets his phone down on the table, face-down while he reads.

He likes reading. This book, it’s– 

His phone buzzes against the table.

**Adkas:** like jeeeesus fucking shit its kind of impressive just how little uve used ur dick

**Adkas:** u really opened up a convo with ur family history

**Adkas:** who fukn does that

**Adkas:** thats so fucking weird

**Hourai:** I didn’t open with my family history, you mentioned you were my professor’s kid and I was making small talk.

**Adkas:** THATS small talk? 

**Adkas:** next time open up by reading a nutrition facts label what the fuck

**Adkas:** and dress a little better ur fucking shirt had a coffee stain on the tits

**Adkas:** n be a little more enthusiastic what the fuck man

**Adkas:** seriously ur about as lively as a fucking corpse

**Hourai:** Are you done attacking my personality yet?

**Adkas:** u think thats attacking

**Adkas:** ?

Hourai doesn’t bother responding.

**Adkas:** u think thats attacking, bitchtits? rly

**Adkas:** have u even been yelled at?

**Adkas:** have u ever talked to someone?

**Adkas:** ur aunt and absent parents dont count btw

**Hourai:** Are you having fun?

**Adkas:** not particularly

**Adkas:** ur like the appendicitis of men

**Hourai:** What, a funny feeling in your stomach tells you to take me out?

**Adkas:** one: ohhhh my god. oh. my god. oh my goddd

**Adkas:** two: rly hate to tell u this but that would be a step up from telling me your familys fucking history

**Adkas:** three: is that ur idea of a comeback? where the fuck did you learn that from, the paramount production of heathers?

**Hourai:** Did you watch that?

**Adkas:** jesus fucking christ you are so dry

**Adkas:** fucking anti mia khalifa

**Hourai:** Who?

**Adkas:** ur shitting me

**Adkas:** whatever ur derailing the conversation

**Hourai:** Oh, is this a conversation?

**Adkas:** you fucking slab of limp cock are you that stupid?

**Hourai:** I had assumed it was a lecture

**Hourai:** I’m impressed, though. I think it’s impressive you can type so fast while blowing someone

**Adkas:** wah wahhhhh i cant take criticism :(

**Adkas:** – you, circa right the fuck now

**Adkas:** do you go outside? ever? do you talk to people? do you know how people work?

**Hourai:** You keep making me out to be a child

**Hourai:** I’m twenty-two, not twelve

**Adkas:** id expect a twelve year old to not show up in a dirty shirt with an old coffee stain on the tits

**Adkas:** do you know how to use a laundry machine?

**Hourai:** Could you please call it a chest?

**Adkas:** could you please learn how to do the fucking laundry?

**Hourai:** I can do the laundry just fine, Adkas

**Adkas:** what did u get ur auntie to teach u

**Adkas:** yknow, aunt, not your fucking parents because you opened with your fucking family history

**Hourai:** Would you drop it?

**Adkas:** my standards? fat fucking chance

**Adkas:** theyre already this low and u still disappoint :/

**Hourai:** Jesus Christ

**Adkas:** rule number one, dont show up in clothes you dug up from a fucking trash can

Hourai sighs, loudly, and turns his phone off – actively shuts it off – and throws it at his bed.

It clatters to the floor. Hourai rolls his eyes and tells himself it’s fine.

* * *

**Adkas:** if u could do it again what would u change

Hourai sighs when he sees the name and buries his head in his hands when he sees the contents.

**Adkas:** location

**Adkas:** time

**Adkas:** clothes

**Adkas:** whatever

**Hourai:** And not meeting you isn’t an option?

**Adkas:** awwww where was this wit when we were on our date :/

**Adkas:** u know i really am pleasant when it isnt you

**Adkas:** theres just smth abt u

**Adkas:** maybe the fact u speak like a fucking wikipedia article LMFAO

**Hourai:** You don’t have to keep contacting me.

**Adkas:** ur like a car crash

**Adkas:** horrible to be around but i cant look away

**Hourai:** Wow, thanks

**Hourai:** You're so kind

**Adkas:** nicest ull get to a compliment from me :/

**Adkas:** take it or leave it bitchtits

**Hourai:** You seem to really love calling me that

**Hourai:** Bitchtits

**Hourai:** Do you like my chest, or something?

**Adkas:** holy shit man why does everything you say sound like something straight from a doctors mouth

**Hourai:** I study microbiology

**Adkas:** like ur gonna say "u seem to rly love calling me that, bitchtits, do u like my chest or smth" and then shove ur fuckn hand up my ass

**Hourai:** Are you some sort of sex addict?

**Hourai:** Everything about you is so crude

**Adkas:** im hot and i know it

**Adkas:** u think im hot anyways so

**Hourai:** You're putting words in my mouth

**Adkas:** so u just stammer ur family history to anyone?

**Hourai:** I didn't STAMMER

**Adkas:** u stammered, bitchtits

**Adkas:** but if ur curious abt ur name ur shirt had a fuck-off coffee stain right on the

**Adkas:** u so hate it when i swear dont u

**Hourai:** It's more general than that, really

**Adkas:** wah wah i use reddit lmfao anyway

**Adkas:** coffee stain on the CHEST and it made u look like a little bitch

**Adkas:** theres ur fuckin lore, bitchtits

**Hourai:** Lore? You're calling it lore.

**Adkas:** anything for my pseudo-academic acquaintance

**Hourai:** What, I'm not even an enemy?

**Adkas:** please

**Adkas:** like i said ur a car crash

**Adkas:** or idk the equivalent to like a dysfunctional mitochrondria?

**Hourai:** One, mitochondria

**Hourai:** Two, you're insufferable

**Adkas:** wah wahhhhhhh reddit user talks to someone who isnt his aunt

**Adkas:** block me if u hate me so much :/

Hourai doesn't. He turns his phone off and reads his book.

_ Firgo, _ he wants to say,  _ you pick the worst ones. _

Three hours later, once Hourai's eating lunch, he answers their question he never answered.

**Hourai:** If I could do it all over again, I'd take you McDonald's.

An hour later, and Adkas replies with a simple "trashy". A minute passes, and they add, "r u actively trying not to get laid".

Hourai rolls his eyes and makes sure to complain to Firgo about them when he sits down a few minutes later.

"You don't like them?" Firgo asks, but it really isn't a question.

"Firgo," Hourai says very plainly. "Have you  _ met _ them?"

"Yeah, uh–" He pauses to shove a fry in his mouth. "-They're really not that bad. I think you just got off on the wrong foot."

Yeah, thinks Hourai, wrong foot off a cliff.

* * *

**Adkas:** its all about appearances

**Adkas:** good first impressions

**Adkas:** like a business deal but oh who am i kidding uve never made one of those

**Adkas:** stay inside all day doing nerd shit or whatever

It is 9:30 PM, and Hourai has had a long day.

Adkas is not helping.

**Hourai:** What do you even want from me?

**Adkas:** told u

**Adkas:** car crash

**Hourai:** That's not even a real answer

**Adkas:** do you own an iron? or a comb?

**Adkas:** try that

**Adkas:** and try to match the setting

**Adkas:** for example. suits are not for first dates in coffee shops

**Adkas:** do you follow?

**Hourai:** Oh my god

**Hourai:** I made ONE mistake ONCE and you've been insulting me about it all week

**Hourai:** Could you just drop it and move on?

**Adkas:** i keep telling u to block me if u hate me so much

**Adkas:** go on

**Adkas:** do it

**Adkas:** or are u hesitating because this is ur only social interaction of the day

**Hourai:** I'm more worried what will happen to you if no one's there to keep you busy

**Hourai:** Not to sound clinical, but are you only seeking me out to get attention from a man?

**Adkas:** what the fuck are you on about

**Adkas:** do you use reddit? like, unironically and actively?

**Hourai:** Better than 24/7 Grindr use

**Hourai:** Do you just hook up with anything that moves to fill the void?

He sets his phone down after that, leaving to go make something to eat. Cup noodles, he makes, and he can hear Adkas's voice, taunting him for his food choice.

"Shut up," he mutters to no one at all, washing out the mug.

Adkas infuriates him.

That's an  _ objective _ fact; they piss him off like... God, like no one else. If he saw them on the street, he'd...

No. He wouldn't really do much of anything, but his day would be ruined, certainly, and that's worth something.

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts and picks up the cup, stabbing at the noodles a few times before eating. A cursory glance at his phone reveals a new text from Adkas, and he mentally prepares himself for a shitty comeback or new slew of insults.

He is, instead, greeted with this:

**Adkas:** yeah i guess

He's not even sure how to respond, really – if he should offer an apology, or just insult them, or...

**Adkas:** but hey thats the life

**Adkas:** and, rule three:

**Adkas:** try not to attempt to psychoanalyze ur date thats not cute either bitchtits

Hourai almost crushes his cup noodles.

**Hourai:** You are so... Condescending

**Hourai:** Everything has to be a big statement

**Adkas:** pleaseeeeeee

**Adkas:** u wouldnt know a good thing if it hit u in the face

**Hourai:** What, are you threatening me?

**Adkas:** is that a shit attempt at a comeback or r u tryin to flirt

**Hourai:** Insult

**Adkas:** droll :/

**Hourai:** What??

**Adkas:** but sure id love to hit you

**Hourai:** With what, a car?

**Adkas:** what

**Hourai:** Since you seem to love car crashes so much

**Adkas:** OH

**Adkas:** sfknsgh

**Adkas:** im surprised u have a sense of humor tbh

**Hourai:** I'm surprised you're capable of laughing

**Adkas:** oh dont get overzealous bitchtits

**Adkas:** just surprised me is all

Hourai sighs and continues to eat his cup noodles. He didn't wait long enough.

The peas are the worst part of cup noodles, in his opinion. There's something about these peas specifically that are so awful – they're too... Bland.

Droll, to quote... Them.

Don't think about them, Gakhushari, he tells himself, but he finds himself thinking anyways.

Adkas Mortas... Is strange, he thinks. And by strange, he means infuriating.

They're attractive, he will (begrudgingly) admit. Sharp features, a nice voice, oddly...  _ Captivating  _ eyes. A decent sense of dress, and – he feels his face warm slightly at the thought – he'd be willing to bet their laugh was nice. Their smile, the fake one they gave him when they met, was nice.

He almost wants to see their genuine smile, and he wonders what they looked like reacting to his joke, wherever they were. A small laugh – a little  _ hah _ in their room – or a held-back smile if they're out in public, or...

But, of course, he has to remind himself that Adkas only  _ looks  _ pretty (which, again, he loathes to admit) and that they're... An asshole. A fucking asshole that won't leave him alone.

They've  _ told _ him how to get rid of them. The block button, of course, but... Ignoring the problem hasn't really worked so far, and so blocking them would be the next step, but he...

Hourai tells himself it's a matter of being the bigger person, and nothing to do with the warmth to his cheeks at the thought of them smiling.

**Adkas:** rule four

**Adkas:** make your date laugh

Typical.

* * *

Hourai is two-thirds of the way through the season finale of The Bachelor when he gets a text.

**Adkas:** rule fivie

**Adkas:** shit

**Adkas:** 45

**Adkas:** 5

**Adkas:** rulle fiive always tyru to filllw up

**Adkas:** on a dasllllate

...Ah?

Hourai is halfway through typing a response when he receives another text.

It's an image of Adkas, face illuminated with the harsh glow of pink and blue lights in an otherwise dark room. Their head's at a slight angle, but they're smiling, sticking their tongue out – it's pierced, apparently, and Hourai tries not to think about that too much. In their free hand is a joint, so it seems, smoke curling from it.

**Adkas:** ddo ubthinj im hot

**Adkas:** lmao

**Hourai:** Are you drunk?

**Adkas:** not a alot

**Hourai:** I can BARELY understand what you're typing

**Adkas:** wwah tahts u

**Adkas:** ddo ubthtink im hot hourai

**Adkas:** btitchtits

**Adkas:** whatever

**Hourai:** Where are you?

**Adkas:** answeer meewweee :(

**Hourai:** Will you tell me if I answer you?

**Adkas:** ya

**Hourai:** Why do you even care?

**Adkas:** bc it think yur hot annd i rly wanan makweout with you

**Adkas:** bbut urr just so UGHG like i seee u and km like UGH

Hourai pauses and stares, rereading the two messages over and over again to make sure he's reading it right. Typos, right? They're typos. Right?

**Hourai:** You think I'm hot?

**Adkas:** yyes lol

**Adkas:** liie i hate to saybit butbur hot even kn ur shitty cofee shirt

**Adkas:** aandn urnfunny when u actually try its just ur a socialble as a plankof wood

**Hourai:** This

**Hourai:** Past week, was that all flirting?

**Adkas:** kidna lmfao

**Hourai:** You tried to

**Hourai:** You flirted by insulting me?

**Adkas:** I gave you tips!

**Adkas:** I was helping yuou

**Adkas:** For your dates in the future so you know what not to doo

**Hourai:** I didn't ask for any of them

**Adkas:** Yes but I like talking to you :(

Hourai stares at his phone.

Hourai reads.

Hourai sighs.

Hourai ignores his increased heart rate.

While Hourai processes this, and as he goes to type a response, he's sent a video. Without thinking, he clicks on it anyway.

Adkas, still in that... Place, room, whatever, blinks languidly and smiles – messily, lazily, and Hourai's face warms. In their free hand is still a joint, and they lift it and take a drag and exhale.

"Hooourai," they say, and can't help themself from smiling. They blink and laugh, quietly, something soft from under their breath that makes Hourai's breath hitch and, after a pause, simply say, "Hi." Right before the video ends, they laugh again, and Hourai stares.

Hourai processes.

Hourai looks back at their texts.

**Adkas:** So lol

**Adkas:** Do you think I'm hot

**Hourai:** I guess so

**Adkas:** Hourai yes or no

**Hourai:** Yes?? I guess

**Adkas:** Ok cool

**Adkas:** Loser

**Hourai:** Where are you?

**Adkas:** Shit Shack

**Adkas:** But I'm ok

**Adkas:** Adrex and Firgo are here

**Hourai:** Alright, well

**Hourai:** Be careful

**Adkas:** Thanks 💕

Hourai's throat spasms.

* * *

Adkas doesn't text him the next day, and they don't the day after that.

Despite himself, Hourai worries. He'll send them a text, and that can be it.

**Hourai:** Hello

As he slips his phone into his pocket, it buzzes again.

_ Adkas? _ he finds himself wondering, checking it immediately.

**Adkas:** hi

He doesn't know what to say. Hourai pauses and Hourai stares, wondering if they'll have an insult in store.

But, after two minutes, nothing happens.

**Hourai:** How are you?

Hourai watches the screen for fifteen seconds, then slips his phone into his pocket and starts walking. 

Coffee, he likes to get in the mornings. McDonald's, he gets when he's in a rush. The Idikaas, when he isn't.

It's a ten-minute walk from his apartment, and it's peaceful. His phone doesn't buzz once throughout the stroll, and he pushes open the doors to the Idikaas. He orders, he pays, he sits in the corner sipping coffee as he sets down his notes to study.

His phone buzzes against the table.

**Adkas:** ok

**Adkas:** u?

As he goes to answer, there's a jingle at the door.

Hourai looks up and catches Adkas's eye, and Adkas blanches.

"Ad–" he starts, but Adkas rigidly turns around and exits.

...He can't have  _ that. _

He takes his phone and wallet and speedwalks after them, following them down the sidewalk and gingerly laying a hand on their shoulder.

"Adkas," he says.

They look like a deer in headlights if its face was red.

"Bitchtits," they say, tone equally cool. "Good morning."

Hourai clenches his jaw as he thinks, briefly, about what to say.

He settles on a "Why have you been acting weird?"

"I'm fine," they say, a bit too fast. "Why are you acting weird?"

Hourai fights the urge to sigh and instead says, "You ran away when you saw me."

"It–" They fumble around for an answer. "I'm allergic to, uh, little bitches? And virgins."

Hourai does sigh, this time, and Adkas lets out a small noise as their face goes redder.

"Is this because of what you texted me Saturday?" he asks, and Adkas mutters, "Oh, fuck me," beneath their breath. "Because..."

"It  _ might _ be," they spit, shrugging away Hourai's hand. "So what if it is?"

"...Do you think I'm upset, or something?" he asks neutrally.

"N–No? I don't–I don't care, if you are, or not," Adkas forces out, shooting him a glare. "And if you are, I–Good."

"Good?" he echoes, raising an eyebrow.

"I–" Adkas crosses their arms, glaring daggers at the floor. "I'm sorry, alright? That I was a dick to you. Can I go now?"

There's a lot to unpack there.

Hourai offers to unpack none of them, and simply says, "That's fine if you are, I guess, but... I'm not upset, I hope you know."

"...No?" they say, glancing up to meet his eye. 

Hourai feels his pulse quicken.

"Uh, you know... Rule six," he starts, and Adkas tenses, "I think, should be... Take initiative, sometimes."

"...Is that your shitty attempt at an insult?" they snark.

"I'm asking you out on a date," he says, and Adkas lets out a little noise like a squirrel getting gutted. "McDonald's?"

"Mc... McDonald's," Adkas echoes, face dark red, and Hourai thinks his looks about the same. "You want to go to McDonald's?"

"Well," he says, and laughs, quietly, "If I had another chance..."

Adkas stares. Adkas processes.

Adkas says, quietly, "Sure."

In the ensuing silence, Hourai clears his throat and asks, "When do you want to go?"

"Now," they say, "Is fine, if you're free."

He nods, absently, and asks, "Are you okay with walking?"

"I don't have a car."

They start walking down the street, and Adkas gingerly takes Hourai's hand, holding it loosely.

"Oh," Hourai says, almost automatically as he feels his throat spasm. Swallowing hard, he comments, "So, how were you going to hit me with that car?"

Adkas lets out a noise that could be them choking or laughing.

"Element of surprise," they answer. "Duh."

Hourai snorts, and says, "Oh, of course."

"Watch out, Bitchtits," Adkas continues. "I'll come for you when you least expect it."

"I'm immune," he says, "To cars."

Adkas gives him a long look before laughing, and Hourai thinks things actually aren't that bad, after all.


End file.
